A "Happy Father's Day, Mommy!" Q & A Session

"Look, Mother. Look, Mother,look.

See Father. See Father and Dick."

Q: "Your kids have two moms? What do they call you?"
A: Lisa is Mommy. I'm Mama. For now. Who knows what they will choose to call us.

Q: "Who's their father? Will they ever get to meet him?"
Short Answer: Lisa.
Long Answer: You mean their sperm donor? Probably not. He was anonymous. When they're 18, if they want to, they can contact the Cryobank and find out if their donor is willing to meet them. But since he chose to be anonymous, the answer might be no. If so, is this going to be disappointing? Probably. Is it going to ruin their lives? No.

Q: "But they are growing up without a male role model! Who's going to teach your son to be a man?"
A: We are. All of us. The goal is to teach both of them to be good human beings. It's true that it takes a male to create a child, but I don't believe a male is necessary to parent one.

Q: "Do you think when they grow up that they'll wish they'd had a dad?"
A: Maybe. Doubt it.
Long answer: They are going to grow up with two parents who love them very much. I think they'll eventually be grateful for that. They also have two very different moms. Their Mommy, Lisa, is a plumber. She can fix a leaky faucet. Shower. Sink. Toilet. Garbage disposer. Boiler. Air conditioner. Dishwasher.  Refrigerator. She can put up light fixtures, ceiling fans, shelving. She can change locks and hang pictures, put up drywall, pour concrete, and build fences. To win my heart when we were "just friends", she built shelving that lined the ceiling of my studio apartment, then built a loft in the top of my walk-in closet, creating the "tree house" I had always wanted. Then she built a desk underneath it with the leftover wood. She has been working with her hands since she was a little kid, when she built a pully system to fly across her back yard and created a hot tub out of a baby pool. She will have no problem assembling Effram & Lucy's swing set or putting training wheels on their bikes.

She will also coach their sports teams. She was the first girl on the boys' soccer team and always scored the most goals. She played Varsity soccer as a freshman in high school. She's always been better at sports than a lot of boys ever were.

But she is also nurturing and not afraid to show emotion. She was a babysitter for a large family as a teenager and learned how to care for newborns, toddlers and small children all at once. She is the one who bathes Effram and Lucy every night and sings to them as she rinses their hair so they don't cry about the water in their eyes. She is the one who cleans their ears with Q-tips and makes them laugh at their reflections in the mirror. She combs their hair neatly so that it dries nicely and clips their nails so they don't scratch themselves or us. I don't remind her; I don't even ask her. In fact, I don't even know if these things would get done without her! They find her absolutely hilarious, and she makes them laugh themselves silly. I watch the three of them playing together and think to myself, "This is what she has always wanted-- to be a parent. And she is so good at it." She has the sweetest goodnight conversations with them, reminding them of all of the fun she had with them during the day, how much she loves them and their favorite stuffed animals too. If, for whatever reason, I don't get to say goodnight to my babies, I have no worries. I know that they are clean and well fed and that they felt safe and secure and loved when they fell asleep.

For these and many other reasons, I know that while they may one day wonder about the guy who donated his sperm to create them, they will never regret having grown up with two very loving moms who will have guided and supported them, shared ourselves and our own unique talents with them, and celebrated them for who they are. They will also know in their hearts that Lisa was both a "mom" and a "dad" to them, and that she is complicated and great. And that much of life doesn't fit into categories. They will know that they don't have to be one thing or the other.  That they are just free to be.